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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24507034">The Dawning (Part 1)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bexinthecity247/pseuds/Bexinthecity247'>Bexinthecity247</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bodyguard (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A wine glass magically disappears, F/M, aka thirst trappers, love to my smutty sisters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 07:01:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24507034</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bexinthecity247/pseuds/Bexinthecity247</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Julia hadn’t meant to run into David that night, so soon after breaking his heart.<br/>What follows is a full on realisation and dawning of Julia’s feelings and priorities.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>David Budd/Julia Montague</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>In Lockdown With Keeley</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Blue Dress Regret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My response to the awesome prompt challenge!<br/>Special thanks to my sisterhood of smut fellows.</p><p>This was going to be one long piece but broke it into 3 short chapters to allow me to post relatively on time.</p><p>All love and kudos etc is always appreciated xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was for the best, she’d said, eager to salvage her reputation; she hadn’t needed the added complication of a sex scandal. At least that’s what she’d told herself and him.<br/>She had no need of distractions on her road to take Number Ten.</p>
<p><br/>His face when she’d called them a distraction and complication, hurt more than Julia would ever willingly admit. Pure offense that she’d reduced them to that, reduced HIM to that. Anger and searing devastation like his world was collapsing all over again.</p>
<p><br/>“So that’s what I am to you? A complication to be rid of?” he had accused, almost devoid of all emotion, like it was matter of fact.</p>
<p><br/>And truthfully, if Julia had denoted him as such, it was fact. The accusation stung even now as she blinked back tears and set her face in the mirror reflection. </p>
<p><br/>Behind her, hung an exquisite blue dress that she’d pair with heels designed to kill. She forced a politician smile on her face and slid first, one diamond drop earring in, followed by a second and then the careful application of crimson red.</p>
<p><br/>When the dress was on and the shawl around her shoulders, she was ready to go. Ready to schmooze everyone necessary to secure their votes. She had been looking forward to this evening for weeks, and yet now...</p>
<p><br/>Part of her wished for another night in, drinking wine, eating take-aways all curled up with David.<br/>A sardonic snort sounded in the room and it took her a moment to realise it came from her. That fantasy was over now; her imaginary life of domestic bliss shaken from her head as quickly as the thought had entered. It would never happen now. </p>
<p><br/>It’s what she’d wanted – no, needed, but part of her found his acquiescence disappointing. Onwards and upwards. </p>
<p><br/>She smoothed a hand through her hair, now long enough to touch her shoulders and suddenly she remembered the feel of David’s hands, his fingers expertly threading through the strands. <br/>NO! This would not do. </p>
<p><br/>The distinctive sound of an engine being extinguished outside, coupled with the abrupt entrance of her new PPO forewarned her it was time to go.</p>
<p><br/>Julia didn’t need an escort into the car, but she accepted Jack’s shadow none the less. As far as PPOs went, he was more than capable of the job, yet he lacked the shimmer of warmth towards her that David had exhibited, even in the beginning. Well... she thought, once she’d apologised for being a bitch.</p>
<p><br/>It all felt so fucking long ago even when not yet a year had passed since the day he was assigned to her. Pain stretched across her chest as she slid into the seat, staring straight ahead at the ginger head slipping into the seat in front of her. Sometimes it felt like she’d spent half her life in cars like these, driving to places that represented her very identity. <br/>But how many times had she sat beside him instead of behind, feeling him everywhere, lips hot on her skin until it burned in the most beautiful ways?  She tried to remember, count them up and store them away.</p>
<p><br/>“Ma’am,” David’s whispered voice usually cut through her near orgasmic moan whenever he wanted to keep her on the edge, a careful reminder of their divide that for a moment, nearly always brought images of sweaty politicians and briefings crashing into her mind until he touched her right and it all evaporated until all she knew was him, in the confides of his car.<br/>“Ma’am?” Jack’s voice was harsh and unwelcome in her reminiscing, yet her eyes snapped to his, looking at her in the mirror. </p>
<p><br/>His green piercing glance didn’t see her, not like David did.<br/>When had everything become black and white? Pre David, and now post. Life with David in it, life without it. It made her nauseous. </p>
<p><br/>“We have to go through the back I’m afraid, ma’am, there’s some kind of gathering around the main entrance,” Jack said unemotively, glance moving rapidly to the street ahead.<br/>She ran a hand through her hair and a low growl of displeasure rumbled in the back of her throat. For fucks sake, her life was never simple!</p>
<p><br/>All her uncertainty about her life choices and doubt for making them, faded away when the car pulled to a halt in the underground carpark of the British Museum. She shifted in her seat, not so bold as to open her own door. No, she had Jack for that, and sure enough, his brutish appearance collided with her door being wrenched open.</p>
<p><br/>Time to present her best damned self and hope all the sacrifice was worth it. She’d sacrificed far more than just David, she reminded herself harshly. It didn’t ease the heaviness in her chest.</p>
<p>Xx</p>
<p>Julia tried her hardest to sip her wine, rather than gulp it down and immediately claim another; she didn’t want to appear uncouth, but good god, Charles Simpson, MP for Buckinghamshire, was fucking dull. Inside her head she screamed for release but no one rescued her from his endless tales of pot holes and budget cuts. </p>
<p><br/>The hairs rose on the back of her neck, a prickling premonition of a catastrophic disaster about to happen. The air in the room was sucked out faster than her lungs could comprehend and too suddenly it felt like she was suffocating as the glass hovered halfway to her mouth, and her careful eyes connected with the most beautiful blue.<br/>He wasn’t meant to be here. </p>
<p><br/>Even when she knew he was staring, glaring almost, she fixed her entire attention in the man in front of her. In her peripheral, David disappeared behind her common foe – the other man she’d loved once.</p>
<p><br/>Julia excused herself, side stepping Roger; only harrowingly avoiding being trapped between two of the worst people in the room. As she effortlessly slipped between people, she kept searching for that Scot;  so she could avoid him, she told herself. Another lie to add to her repertoire. <br/>Her eyes were drawn up to the glass dome overhead, spectacular and vast, and tonight, decorated with twinkling little lights that looked like stars. It fit well with the unofficial theme of this black tie event – an expedition for these politicians, bankers and all other manner of upper crust society, to gain astronomical influence or funding for whatever vanity project they had in the pipeline. Others saw it as simply a way to mingle with those whom could provide significant voting sway. Wasn’t that what she was there for?</p>
<p><br/>She ducked around florally decorated pillars that looked straight out of ancient Athens, and set her sight on the door at the end. Ordinarily what would was Middle age Greece, had been transformed into the most exquisite indoor garden. She’d be able to breathe in there, to be able to regain control over herself; she was simply confused because she hadn’t expected to see him, that’s all. At least, not so soon after she’d broken his heart.</p>
<p><br/>His eyes hadn’t softened when they’d raked over her, like they used to and that bothered her more than she’d have liked. </p>
<p><br/>Still, one more group of people to dart around before she was free, and she burst into the faux  garden with unrestrained relief.</p>
<p><br/>“Julia?” His cold voice crept out from the dark like the worst kind of surreptitious reminder of every bad decision she’d ever made. <br/><br/>Oh god, every fibre of her being screamed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Thunderous Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all for the comments and kudos - always appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I didn’t expect you to be here,” she </span>
  <span>blurted,</span>
  <span> and his jaw set as hard as his glance. </span>
  <span>He looked no less </span>
  <span>handsome,</span>
  <span> but something had changed in him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm,” he </span>
  <span>hummed,</span>
  <span> and she steeled herself.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What the fuck did that mean? God he was so unbelievably </span>
  <span>beautiful,</span>
  <span> and it suddenly occurred to her that she’d </span>
  <span>never told him that. Now it would be likely to sound </span>
  <span>insincere,</span>
  <span> so she remained silent, looking back behind her, eying the archway through which she’d come.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let me keep you,” he said coldly, settling against a stone column, and unbridled irritation flared up in </span>
  <span>her stomach, how dare he?! “I never could before.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was a quiet admission and almost unspoken </span>
  <span>entirely,</span>
  <span> but it disarmed her instantly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t be like that,” she said, weaker than she’d wanted but her irritation was fast turning inwards, towards her own pathetic </span>
  <span>need to placate him, soothe him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How would you like me to be?” He pushed himself off the pillar and took two steps towards her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His proximity was unsettling but what disturbed her the most was the still evident hunger in his eyes, only giving way just enough to show the hurt beneath. She refused her divert her gaze from his, unwilling to back down to a man who </span>
  <span>held</span>
  <span> far too much power over her, even after she’d severed all ties.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You look beautiful,” he said </span>
  <span>suddenly,</span>
  <span> and her fist clenched at her side, desperate to punch him for pulling her back into this. And yet, as he leaned in only a little closer, his scent swirled. She moved her head backwards, putting that distance back between them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I really should-” she pointed in the vague direction of the noisy party, suddenly feeling like a coward.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was something the great lioness Julia Montague, disliked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You never called... to explain. Just let me believe I was nothing to you, a distraction,” he said, throwing her words back at her. The anger dissolved in his eyes entirely, and it was almost enough to undo her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what we were, merely a complication I didn’t need.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Julia hoped her expression was steely as she wished her soul felt. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He scoffed, a knowing smirk crossing his kissable mouth.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we both know that’s not true,” he </span>
  <span>murmured</span>
  <span> close to her ear. Too close.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The spell was </span>
  <span>broken,</span>
  <span> and she glared at him, jaw clenched. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just … tell me why? I thought we were more than that, that we meant something to you,” David cut in before she could </span>
  <span>respond,</span>
  <span> and she felt herself breaking at the sadness etched in every line of his face. His eyes cast downward. “I thought I meant something to you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pain ratcheted across her chest.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David,” she barely whispered, fighting the urge to touch him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t go backwards, only forwards, and forwards didn’t include complications. David was a complication.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Then he looked at her, eyes swimming with every rushing emotion that had made her fall-</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She took a slow steady breath.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you really come here tonight for this?” she levelled, pushing the ache in her chest down into her stomach just long enough to forget it was there.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I still have a job to do,” he snarked almost playfully, fire flashing across his </span>
  <span>sapphires</span>
  <span> briefly. Heat crept over her cheeks. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was not used to feeling </span>
  <span>embarrassed,</span>
  <span> but she felt the sting of it now. </span>
  <span>Of course,</span>
  <span> he was doing his job!</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t inferring otherwise,” she lied, turning away from him to watch the electronic constellation show. She felt him move, rather than heard him and yet his nearness made her start.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired of this, I’m tired of all of it,” he </span>
  <span>murmured,</span>
  <span> and she wondered if he meant them or the world he was thrust into </span>
  <span>daily</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She turned, fully intent on answering him but </span>
  <span>the</span>
  <span> resolve she’d </span>
  <span>held</span>
  <span> onto since she’d left him, had been whittled away until only dust remained.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <span>lov</span>
  <span>-”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>No. She refused to let him say it because she knew once he had, everything would tumble down like a house of cards. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>So she cut him off with her mouth.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If he was surprised, she didn’t notice as he immediately moved again</span>
  <span>st her and it felt so fucking wonderful to taste him again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>thought she’d</span>
  <span> moaned into his </span>
  <span>mouth,</span>
  
  <span>but she couldn’t be sure it wasn’t him as he pinned her body against the same pillar he’d perched against. His weight spread across her evenly as his hands wandered, fingers digging into her hair and pulling just enough to allow him access to her tender pulse </span>
  <span>point. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>definitely moaned</span>
  <span> when he kissed along her throat, flicking his tongue over the hollow where dew was </span>
  <span>pooling</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David,” she almost whimpered when she became aware of his other hand running up under her dress, grazing over her thigh, his knee holding them apart. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Reason had well and truly given way to passion and lust, so much so that she wanted to drown in him like she had done before, so many times.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed being with you like this,” he murmured, biting on her earlobe as Julia begged for her mind to kick in, to stop her body from responding to carnal urges, to pull away from him and put those walls back up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This was cruel. Completely unfair to </span>
  <span>both of them</span>
  <span> but she couldn’t pull her mouth from his and suddenly she was pushing back against him until he </span>
  <span>was against</span>
  <span> the wall. He hissed but it did nothing to dampen the fire that had erupted between them when </span>
  <span>her lips had touched his.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> what a grave mistake she’d made; in trying to prevent him making an even bigger error, she’d undone everything. The celibate cold </span>
  <span>politician</span>
  <span> with concrete plans of world domination had </span>
  <span>dissolved</span>
  <span> entirely, like a pathetic </span>
  <span>schoolgirl</span>
  <span> when he’d pressed against her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She sucked o</span>
  <span>n his lower lip</span>
  <span>, desperately threading her fingers in his hair,</span>
  
  <span>and want</span>
  <span>ing</span>
  <span> to give up everything for him when he nibbled on her neck. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David-”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was so breathy, she’d find it </span>
  <span>embarrassing</span>
  <span> later but for now, he responded with a hand on her collarbone, tracing the arch of it before settling on the side of her face, like he was remapping a long lost land that he was eager to re-</span>
  <span>familiarise</span>
  <span> himself with. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And God knew she was desperate now for him to relearn every slope of her body in a way she’d never needed another man to. Stars were crashing in front of her eyes and then-</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If we can get the right ear, we’d be able to lock in support for GB-12-” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The impending voices tore Julia away from her former PPO before the two invading party guests floated into her peripheral.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at David, chest heaving as her breaths came in </span>
  <span>laboured</span>
  <span> bursts, and could see the disappointed </span>
  <span>realisation</span>
  <span> on his face. Reason had once more returned to her, pulling the drawbridge up, shuttering her walls down again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid! She cursed, stomach squeezing with such force that she feared she’d be sick there and then. She glanced at him to see if he knew what she was going to do next. Though she imagined she could guess what he wanted her to do.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She turned on her heel and took large steps, putting as much distance between them as possible. Only twice his hand brushed on her arm as he caught up, but both times she shook him off and as her steps became faster and less delicate, the rougher she raked her hand</span>
  <span> through her hair, pulling on it to regain control of a thousand raging emotions. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When she touched a thumb to her mouth, her lips felt swollen and she was sure her lipstick was smeared. She knew she should care about her state of </span>
  <span>disarray,</span>
  <span> but she cared more about escaping her past. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The museum was too hot and despite its grandiose size, it felt claustrophobic and suffocating; suddenly there were too many people between her and the exit.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Julia!” he called above the din and she daren’t turn around to see him weaving a path in her wake. Just as she reached the front </span>
  <span>foyer,</span>
  
  <span>he’d caught up with her; she could tell by the closeness of his voice as if they were playing the most bizarre game of Marco Polo.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t wait, bursting out into the cold and wet London air, gulping in oxygen as if she was dying. Rain lashed against her and instantly her curls lost volume, falling against her face in wet streaks. She only turned to him when his hand pulled her back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Get your hands off me!” she snarled, feeling nothing when she saw the hurt in his eyes. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The fuck Julia?” he said. His eyes were so blue she could see the lightening flashing in them with each thunderous bellow, and it only made the anger she saw in them, more illuminated. “You kissed ME!”</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I kissed you to stop you from saying something stupid,” she hissed, slowly (reluctantly) pulling her arm from his hold. He tilted his head and it felt like she was breaking up with him all over again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I love you?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Their eyes met and god she wished they hadn’t.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David, stop,” she said painfully. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He took a step closer and she clenched her jaw.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Because it’s true and you know it,” he implored, his heart open in a way she wasn’t sure she was ready to accept.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his mouth, another protest she imagined. Then he closed it again, a </span>
  <span>forlorn</span>
  <span>, downtrodden expression settling on his pleasant face. Agony flared within her, </span>
  <span>erupting</span>
  <span> first in her stomach before blossom</span>
  <span>ing thickly within her chest like a </span>
  <span>wildfire</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have got to stop this,” she said softly, wincing at the weakness of it. Thunder crashed over them and for a moment, he looked blankly at her. “I said-”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop what? Caring about you? Loving you? Because fuck knows I’ve tried!” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Anyone other than David Budd would have received a withered stare and her recoiling in repulsion for that.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop looking at me like that,” she only said, plainly and </span>
  <span>soft</span>
  <span>, words never usually attributed to the great Julia Montague.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Devastation washed over his face and she dropped to one hip.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just... forget about me, David,” she said bluntly, yet wearily. She needed her life </span>
  <span>t</span>
  <span>o</span>
  
  <span>return</span>
  <span> to the controlled chaos it was before David Budd. She only wished he was that easy to forget. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was offended, and insulted. One look at him told her that but it didn’t matter anymore and so she turned on her heel, desperate to be on neutral ground.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” he barely </span>
  <span>whispered,</span>
  <span> and she closed her eyes, stopped. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Breathed in and then out slowly before she took the first hard step away from him, the second, third and fourth becoming easier as she crossed the courtyard as quickly as she could</span>
  <span> until she was out on the street, confronting by the so the called disturbance Jack had warned her of (didn’t he know she’d survived two attempts on her life?!); 3 protestors sporting catchy slogans did nothing to shake her confidence. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Julia could see the car she’d arrived in, parked at the end of the street and </span>
  <span>suddenly</span>
  <span>, with the added wetness</span>
  <span> and where her expensive heels had collided with too many muddy puddles, </span>
  <span>the </span>
  <span>Dior gown felt like it weighed a hundred kilos. </span>
  <span>She quickened, crossing the road at breakneck speed to get to </span>
  <span>the warm</span>
  <span> dry safety of her car. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She knew he was still following, could just about hear his cries over the gunfire of rain pouring down.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away David!” she called behind her, though she had no idea if he heard. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She reached the other side of the </span>
  <span>road, turning</span>
  <span> around; to see if the ever</span>
  <span>-</span>
  <span>persistent</span>
  <span> Sergeant Budd was still in pursuit, she </span>
  <span>told</span>
  <span> herself</span>
  <span>. He was there, darting through the protestors with dogged determination. He saw her on the </span>
  <span>other side</span>
  <span>, taking a step off the pathway with reckless abandon.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Julia heard the brakes screeching on wet </span>
  <span>pavement</span>
  <span> before she </span>
  <span>registered</span>
  <span> the headlights, and as her mouth opened, his name on her tongue, his was thrown into the air, rolling to a stop several feet from the offending vehicle.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t usually subscribe to </span>
  <span>clichés</span>
  <span> such as time slowing down, yet as she tried to run, turning head on into the dazzling beams of light, time did in fact slow, crawling until it felt like it’d stopped entirely. A smattering of people began gath</span>
  <span>ering around him and she pushed through, aware of the driver hovering like a dithering idiot that’d just run someone over.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Call a fucking ambulance!” she screamed to no one in particular, as she knelt to the floor. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Broken pieces of glass and plastic tore ribbons in her dress and dug into her skin but she felt none of it, pressing a hand to David’s chest, searching, she would think later, for the steady thrum of his heartbeat that she’d felt against her ear too many early mornings and late nights. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>David blinked</span>
  
  <span>quickly;</span>
  <span> blood </span>
  <span>gathered</span>
  
  <span>near his eyebrow so </span>
  <span>she</span>
  <span> reached out to wipe it as much as she could with her thumb. The sapphires were unseeing, staring up </span>
  <span>at her and then through her as if he didn’t exist, but when he groaned, trying to move, she shushed him, slipping her hand beneath his neck and leaning forward to protect him from the rai</span>
  <span>n.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare,” she growled as he tried to close his eyes, “I am not going to tell your children why they have no father.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her then, tears mixing with the rain dribbling down his face. She shook her head, cradled his head and squeezed her fingers around the hand he </span>
  <span>lifted up</span>
  <span> in search of her. </span>
  <span>When she looked down at him, fear looked back up and she resisted the urge to stroke his face. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to be fine, you just need to lay still,” she said in her most </span>
  <span>authoritative</span>
  <span> voice and when he sagged against her the ground, she breathed out, chest burning with the exertion of holding her breath too long. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He listened to her, becoming still before she noticed he’d become deathly still.</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. With Darkness Comes the Dawning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Julia faces trials and tribulations as she awaits news of David's fate.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the reviews! They mean the world &lt;3!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Relatives only in the ambulance. She wasn’t his wife. No, she didn’t know where his wife – ex-wife? - was. She knew she was a nurse. </span>
  <span>No,</span>
  <span> she didn’t know his blood group. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“David stay with us, we’re going to give</span>
  <span> you some pain relief,” spoken to David this time.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He just ran out in front of me!” the frantic driver was telling the police.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“David, we’re going to roll you, okay?” the paramedic spoke again to the man bordering on unconsciousness, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Then, to her colleague she said, </span>
  <span>“internal bleeding, looks pretty grave.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Julia-” the word was quiet, strained by pain and impeded by blood trickling from his mouth. But she was sure she heard it and haunted her all the way </span>
  <span>back to her car.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia wasn’t meant to hear th</span>
  <span>e paramedics, </span>
  <span>but it was all she could focus on. as she sat </span>
  <span>in her car, waiting for the traffic to dissipate</span>
  <span> so she could get to the hospital. She picked at the seams of David’s jacket</span>
  <span>, bundled</span>
  <span> in her arms</span>
  <span> beneath her own</span>
  <span>;</span>
  <span> she could feel the drying blood digging beneath her nails</span>
  <span>, and looked at the people wandering around the city like the person she … loved... wasn’t lying on a stretcher.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought choked her</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> and she cleared her throat, pulling blurry eyes from happy scenes, to stare at the </span>
  <span>drivers'</span>
  <span> head</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure Sergeant Budd is going to be just fine, ma’am.” </span>
  <span>Jack</span>
  <span>’s voice made her start, as if she’d </span>
  <span>forgotten</span>
  <span> he was there. “He’s been through a lot worse.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>H</span>
  <span>e sounded confident but even in the dim light of the car, Julia could </span>
  <span>see his grimace.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Mmm</span>
  <span>,” she hummed non-committedly, wondering when her everyone noticed her concerns had gone beyond the realms of professional interest. After all – she was only meant to be </span>
  <span>David’s former </span>
  <span>principal,</span>
  <span> but </span>
  <span>Jack</span>
  <span>’s tone suggested knowledge of their affair might not have been as scant as she’d hoped.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>What did it matter now anyway? Tears stung her eyes and she swiped at them with her knuckles as finally, she could see the neon sign of the A&amp;E at the end of the </span>
  <span>built-up</span>
  <span> road. With the amount of traffic however, she began to feel suffocated by the notion of arriving too late.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chewing on her lip, s</span>
  <span>he tossed Dav</span>
  <span>id’s jacket onto the seat beside her, swinging open the car door and throwing her own around her damp body as she got out of the car that had once again become stationary in the </span>
  <span>gridlock of commuters tryign to get home ot their loved ones. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mind tumbled with anger. She was trying to get to her loved one and all these damn people were blocking her. </span>
  <span>Jack</span>
  <span> and Graham, her driver, snapped their heads in her direction, eyes wide.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll walk, it’s quicker,” she barely said. </span>
  <span>Jack</span>
  <span> turned to utter something to the driver and then</span>
  <span> he</span>
  <span> was jogging up behind her.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I'll</span>
  <span> need to come with you ma’am,” she said, only slightly breathless, no doubt from </span>
  <span>having</span>
  <span> to run to catch up.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia rolled her </span>
  <span>eyes,</span>
  <span> when would her life be her own? Never, if you want to be Prime Minister, a voice said critically inside her head. What if I don’t want to be anymore? The thought stunned her, despite it being her own.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly she </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> that whenever she thought of her future at Number Ten, she could only see her plush flat, with a Scottish addition. Fish and chip suppers and long nights of making love.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia shook her head</span>
  <span> violently</span>
  <span>, earning a curious glance from her P</span>
  <span>PO, </span>
  <span>dispelling the image. She was only affected by </span>
  <span>the</span>
  
  <span>night's</span>
  <span> events. That’s all. Once she’d seen to it that David was alive, and she didn’t need to feel guilty for him following her, she would easily be able to conjure up fantasies </span>
  <span>of</span>
  <span> Downing </span>
  <span>Street with no </span>
  <span>labour</span>
  <span> voting Scot in sight.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought should have been comforting.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>-x-</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here you go, ma’am,” Jack handed her a plastic cup with what smelt like it promised to be the worst cup of coffee she’d ever encounter</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> a</span>
  <span>nd Julia instin</span>
  <span>ctively sipped it, confirming her suspicions immediately.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be </span>
  <span>fine, Jack,</span>
  <span> I really don’t want to inconvenience you further</span>
  <span>,” she said robotically in the dead silence between them. The waiting room was only half full</span>
  <span>, and somewhere in the background, a baby was crying softly. </span>
  <span>She closed her eyes</span>
  <span> twisting her fingers until pain flared up her wrist</span>
  <span>; the truth was she couldn’t bear to be around anyone else even if she didn’t want to be alone. What she wanted was Dav...</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really should stay,” Jack said </span>
  <span>firmly,</span>
  <span> and Julia sighed.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was about to protest when screaming alarms sounded from behind the double </span>
  <span>doors that</span>
  <span> led to the bays where lives were saved, and others were shattered by loss. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Crash team, red alert.</span>
  <span>..</span>
  <span> Thirty</span>
  <span>-</span>
  <span>year old male</span>
  <span>...</span>
  <span> bleeding out</span>
  <span>, SATs are</span>
  
  <span>…” </span>
  <span>A crowd of nurses and doctors burst through the waiting room, chatting animatedly as if this was just their job and not someone’s life at risk.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia’s breath hitched </span>
  <span>painfully,</span>
  
  <span>and she didn’t </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  <span> she had gripped Jack’s arm so tightly until he hissed audibly</span>
  <span> and cleared his throat. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ju</span>
  <span>lia pulled away, horrified, tears blurring his form and she fought the rising panic clawing at her</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> working into her chest. Breathing became </span>
  <span>difficult</span>
  <span>, too painful, and </span>
  <span>lead settled in her</span>
  <span> stomach and </span>
  <span>the lump in her throat only bobbed when she tried to swallow hard. </span>
  <span>She felt like quicksand was suffocating her, pulling her down as she blinked over and over, trying to clear her </span>
  <span>watery vision.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The baby was at screaming level now, matching the screaming inside Julia’s head and the mother looked around apologetically. But none of it mattered. Pain lanced through her chest like a billowing smoke until it blossomed </span>
  <span>into</span>
  <span> the hottest fires of agony, spreading to every inch of her skin.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>If he was crashing... she’d never be able to tell him... all the things she should have said. She suddenly felt that nothing else in the world could hurt more than this.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Julia!” Jack’s voice was like a cold hard slap, hissed near her ear and she turned sharply to him. “I really think you should go home.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nearly scoffed; since when did she let her PPO dictate her movements? </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The alarms had stopped but she knew that meant nothing. Her </span>
  <span>father</span>
  <span> died in quiet soli</span>
  <span>tude, no alarms to denote him stroking out, simply slipped away while she slept in </span>
  <span>her bedroom at the age of fifteen.</span>
  
  <span>So</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> Julia </span>
  <span>was well aware that</span>
  
  <span>silence didn’t mean David was going to live</span>
  <span> no matter how much she willed it. Hell, she’d even pray to a God she never believed in, if it meant he’d be spared.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>If only she hadn’t gone to that fucking party, he wouldn’t have followed her out. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wouldn’t be bleeding to death. He wouldn’t leave two children without a father.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>STOP! She snapped, swiping roughly at the edge of her eye, but where she dispelled one set of tears, another took its place until finally, she gave </span>
  <span>up trying to ward them off. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I’ll call Graham around, and I’ll take you home, the hospital can call with any updates-” Jack was saying.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re Julia Montague... The one Dave used to protect.” It sounded a lot like an accusation and Julia whipped her around to find herself looking straight up into the steely face of a blonde nurse.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Mrs.</span>
  <span> Budd, I presume?” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t have enough energy to face her love rival with her usual guarded persona and god only knew what a sight she must have looked, she thought bitterly; dressed in a water logged ball gown, grazes and cuts on her knees and her lustrous hair hanging in damp tendrils around her shoulders. </span>
  <span>It didn’t really matter what Vicky Budd thought of her, anyway. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dave’s wife, yes,” Vicky said pointedly and that stung. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is he?” she blurted, that cool wall and refined element of her crumbled completely. She refused to let her gaze slip to Jack beside her, sure that the crackling tension between the two women would be palpable. It would only cause questions she had no answer to yet. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s in surgery, listen...” Vicky said with emotion unbefitting a devoted wife. Julia was cruelly pleased with this before her stomach knotted with a vice like grip. Vicky inhaled, looking away momentarily. “Can we talk privately?” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>For everything Julia thought she was going to say, that was </span>
  <span>definitely not</span>
  <span> it. </span>
  <span>She was so surprised, she even looked to Jack, mouth open in a question before Vicky spoke again.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s an empty examination room up here.” It was not a question anymore. It was a demand.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia stood up, brushing down her dress and suddenly the pain from her shredded knees pinched at her uncleaned skin. There was no doubt gravel and glass in </span>
  <span>there,</span>
  <span> but she hadn’t cared at the time, </span>
  <span>forgetting</span>
  <span> all about her own injuries with David’s head bleeding, in her lap.</span>
  <span> She saw Vicky’s glance down her body and quickly drew the coat around her to cover the blood stains, trying not to see the grimace in the younger woman’s eyes.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can see to that too, they need cleaning.” Her face softened into a professional stance.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room stunk of medicinal disinfectant and quickly Julia found herself hating anything to do with hospitals, but she walked in, Jack holding the door for her and then Vicky as she carried in a tray.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be right outside, ma’am,” he said </span>
  <span>softly</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> and she acknowledged him only with a tilt of her head as she sat on the bed</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s in surgery?” Julia said quickly as Vicky laid out various swabs on the bed beside her. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, they haven’t said anymore,” she said without looking up, dipping a cotton ball into saline and pressing it to the worst of the cuts on her left knee. She hissed and Vicky didn’t apologise.</span>
  <span> The annoying thing was that Vicky looked very much like she was chewing on very specific words and Julia only wished she’d spit it out. The cotton ball was resoaked and reapplied before Vicky looked at her cautiously. “Look... Dave he’s … he’s been through a lot, with his PTSD, and our marriage. T</span>
  <span>he last thing he needs is a public affair. He doesn’t need you dragging him back to where he was, he’s made </span>
  <span>some good progress lately … and I don’t know what happened exactly but I do know that as soon as he wasn’t in your protection team anymore, he went to pieces. He was a horrible person to be around.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia’s mouth fell open and she wanted to shout a thousand protests</span>
  <span>, and denials</span>
  <span> but before she could, Vicky gave her a look</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I know I’m not meant to know </span>
  <span>about the two of you... but I presume you’re the Julia he talks about?</span>
  <span>” Her eyes were accusatory before she sighed. “You’re not good for him, Julia, with all due respect. You leaving him, nearly killed him and he needs to focus on being a better dad.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words slashed ribbons of pain through Julia and she fought the urge to scratch and bite and hiss like a caged animal that knew it had no chance.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand you’re concerned, but David and I …" What? </span>
  <span>Were</span>
  <span> no longer an issue? They weren’t together </span>
  <span>anymore;</span>
  <span> it had ended before scandal was announced and yet Julia couldn’t imagine not seeing him again.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you probably mean well, but just leave him al</span>
  <span>one, let him live his life and get over you because the next time you break his heart, he won’t survive.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ice crept over Julia’s spine from top to bottom and it’s </span>
  <span>paralysing</span>
  <span> effect was the reason her filter and her walls fell. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you know he didn’t leave me?” she tried to sound confident, bold </span>
  <span>even,</span>
  <span> but it came out strangled and weak.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because if he had, I probably wouldn’t have had to pick him up from pubs because he got too drunk.” Vicky scraped gravel from her skin and applied a dressing before moving to look at the other. “He’s better without you, mentally.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whether it was the burning in her knee, or the agony of her words, Julia turned away, blinking the burning tears away. Nausea worked at the pit of her </span>
  <span>stomach;</span>
  <span> a metallic taste singed her tongue. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was true that had it not been for her, he wouldn’t have been hit by a car. But surely that didn’t mean... He had come for her, hadn’t he? No, he’d been doing his job and seeing you brought back all his old feelings, the cold part of her brain said. Before she could verbally retort with the kind of defensive attitude one usually adopted when they know their offen</span>
  <span>der </span>
  <span>is right despite not wanting to accept it.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mean you ill </span>
  <span>… </span>
  <span>I just need David to move forward, not backwards, okay? And if you care about him, you’ll let him </span>
  <span>move on.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her cutting words left Julia with an angry ache and bleak anguish of acceptance ratchetting through her</span>
  <span> and when the tears began to simmer at the edge of her eyes again, she didn’t bother to intercept them. Instead, she dug her nails into the palm of her hand, leaving painful crescent reminders but the </span>
  <span>sharpness of it kept her from breaking down entirely.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She ran a hand through her </span>
  <span>unraveled</span>
  <span> curls, desperate to get a foothold on her emotions but her calm breathing was out of sync with her racing pulse so she closed her eyes, counted to ten; a technique David had taught her to curb panic after Th</span>
  <span>ornton Circus. The thought tasted bitter and her eyes flew open, banishing the image of his beautiful face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vicky was right. He was lost to her now.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>swallowed hard, turning to look into the blank face of the only other woman David had loved, with renewed resolve, eyes sealed behind her solid glass walls. Vicky was neither kind nor unkind but there was a distinctive finality in her reflection</span>
  <span>, like there was no more room for argument. An odd position for someone like Julia to be in; she was a lioness, always primed for battle with elegance and surety. </span>
  <span>And yet... she couldn’t deny that their relationship, the strain of keeping it hidden, had damaged him. But she did love him so...</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please just … will you tell me if he’s okay?” she finally said as Vicky dressed the other knee and purposefully took her time of the medical kit, before wheeling back in front of her. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If it means you’ll let him be, I’ll make sure you are informed.” The sincerity, as cold as it was, was patent.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julia nodded, though she didn’t recall giving her brain the instruction to do so, and she pursed her lips into thin lines.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she barely said, refusing to show any other emotion, at least until she was in her flat and facing a future </span>
  <span>she no longer wanted, alone.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. With Dawning Comes the Downfall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Julia discovers something about David that leads to her renewed vigor to be with him<br/>David wakes up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the reviews etc on this and other stories :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rain pattered on the roof of the vehicle as it wound its way back through Battersea. Ordinarily it might have soothed Julia’s soul</span>
  <span>, as the sound of storms often did, but tonight, as she stared at the back of her PPO’s head, she felt sure nothing would soothe her ever again. </span>
  <span>Her eyes burned with the exhaustion of sitting in a hospital until the early hours of the morning and she had no energy to stifle the yawn that crept out.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>‘We’ll have you home soon ma’am,’ Jack’s voice was oddly kind. She wished </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> go back to disconnected and </span>
  <span>disinterested</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <span>She remained silent, not that she had anything to say anyway.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>No one in the car spoke again, and Julia only afforded her PPO a brief nod when he cleared her flat for entry. As soon as he was gone, she threw her shoes off, pulled fiercely at the zipper on the dress and snarling in frustration when it took several attempts</span>
  <span>. She threw it amongst the pile of other discarded clothes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-x-</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The warmth of the shower lingered as she traipsed back into her bedroom, her glance intentionally avoiding the pile of wet and bloodied clothes; though she could never quite get the image of them out of her mind anyway, as she wandered back and forth trying to carry on her</span>
  <span> normal routine. She scoffed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was 2.45am; her normal routine would be sleeping, her ever critical internal voice snapped. Julia paused.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That was her first mistake.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her second mistake had been to look at David’s crumpled jacket buried beneath her coat. She ignored it again, sweeping to her closet to put out the first </span>
  <span>appropriate</span>
  <span> clothing</span>
  <span> that came </span>
  <span>to hand</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>By the time she had detangled and brushed out her wet hair, his jacket and presence had only taken up a small percentage in her mind and yet it had taken up far too much of her mental energy. So much so that she eyed the pile of clothes that hid the last piece of him she had. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Julia pushed aside the clothes atop of it </span>
  <span>until </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> clasped her fingers around the edges of the cloth, pulling it towards her. When she rose to full hei</span>
  <span>ght, she held his jacket at arm’s length, glaring at it like it </span>
  <span>was responsible for</span>
  <span> the predicament they were in. The irony was not lost on her and yet it hit her hard... like a car. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tears cloyed at her throat and she gripped it a little tighter, wrapping it up in her arms, breathing the remnants of his scent. </span>
  <span>God,</span>
  <span> she hated this </span>
  <span>pitiful</span>
  <span> display of weakness and yet she </span>
  <span>couldn’t</span>
  <span> bear the future without him. Something plopped to t</span>
  <span>he floor and with </span>
  <span>shimmering</span>
  <span> eyes, she looked down at the small black objects she </span>
  <span>immediately</span>
  <span> knew to be his wallet.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” she murmured without even </span>
  <span>realising</span>
  <span> she was speaking aloud, and bent down to pick it up, fingers trembling.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She ran a finger over the smooth black leather like she was touching his face. It was worn by extended use; that was David all over. </span>
  <span>She’d</span>
  <span> offered to replace it many times over the course of their ill-fated relationship, and yet, every time heh ad rebuffed, simply choosing to hold into the old one </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> gotten five years ago.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <span>wasn’t</span>
  <span> the only source of their fraught arguments over the last few dying months. Pain past and present </span>
  <span>snarled</span>
  <span> up and tore through her until she fought </span>
  <span>to</span>
  <span> breath, her chest burdened by the </span>
  <span>we</span>
  <span>i</span>
  <span>ght</span>
  <span> of the last twenty-four hours. What she </span>
  <span>wouldn’t</span>
  <span> do to go back in time, to beg him not to walk out that night. </span>
  <span>Julia never begged but she </span>
  <span>wished</span>
  <span> she had. And </span>
  <span>maybe he</span>
  
  <span>wouldn’t</span>
  <span> be fighting for his life </span>
  <span>now, if</span>
  <span> she had just asked him to stay regardless of her pride.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>On the inside flap was a photograph of Charlie and Ella, smiling apologetically at whomever was holding he camera. The image sent a fresh agony through her heart. Two young children were facing a life without their father. </span>
  <span>Julia swallowed when she considered </span>
  <span>their</span>
  <span> mother; a wife without a husband...</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The thought blurred her vision before the familiar bite of anger roared to life within her. Vicky had abandoned David! She had seen the damaged caused by war, </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> watched as he got worse and worse until he </span>
  <span>couldn’t</span>
  <span> wake up without facing th</span>
  <span>at demon.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hot wetness slid down her cheek and she swiped it away. She was being unfair. Julia knew that Vicky had tried, more than once. </span>
  <span>Hell,</span>
  <span> even Julia had tried. </span>
  <span>Sooner or </span>
  <span>later</span>
  <span> David had to take </span>
  <span>responsibility</span>
  <span> for his own issues. She knew that, and she still blamed herself for not being able to reach him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She thumbed the photo with a regretful </span>
  <span>tenderness, before</span>
  <span> it slid sideways to reveal a second </span>
  <span>photograph. For a second, she half expected a photo of Vicky to stare up at her, </span>
  <span>maybe a</span>
  <span> portrait with Daivd standing beside her. What she </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  <span> expect to see was a photo of herself and David, his arm held out </span>
  <span>indicating</span>
  <span> he was taking the selfie. She </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  <span> even remember when it was done, and she stared down at her reflected likeness, captured</span>
  <span> forever with her eyes closed in glee, her lips pressing a tender kiss to David’s cheek. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They had been happy once. </span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> how she wished they could have stayed happy. She slid the photos back into the wallet when it became too painful to look at them and when she went to close it, the edge of a </span>
  <span>well-thumbed</span>
  <span> card bit into her skin. She slipped out, reading the crisp black letters on a classic cream card, </span>
  <span>its</span>
  <span> edge</span>
  <span>s dog-eared with signs of having been screwed up. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She knew the card well and its presence now brought fresh tears to her eyes, a sharp spoke of pain shooting through her chest.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-x-</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Julia tapped the cream card against the breakfast counter, its steady tapping both a comfort and an agitation all at the same time. She knew David had finished work, knew that he should have been home a while ago but know it was Friday, she </span>
  <span>could only assume he had gone out drinking... again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She raked her hand through her growing curls and reached for her wine, swirling the plum liquid around before replacing it on the counter without taking a sip. </span>
  <span>They’d</span>
  <span> had a fight that morning over something so fucking stupid</span>
  <span> that she </span>
  <span>couldn’t</span>
  <span> even remember. Wall paint had come up somewhere. She closed her eyes, wincing at the raw swollenness of them, and a headache thrummed at her temples. </span>
  <span>When the darkness became too much, she opened them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was sure it was some time after one, way past the time </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> normally get home if he </span>
  <span>was</span>
  <span> at the pub. It </span>
  <span>pained</span>
  <span> her to </span>
  <span>realise</span>
  
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> been spending enough time out, that she had begun to know his habits of </span>
  <span>coming and going. </span>
  <span>Bitterly, she lifted the class to her lips and this time, she took a sip, that became a large gulp, then another until the glass was empty.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She tapped the card again, if only to make some noise other than the </span>
  <span>muffled</span>
  <span> sound of her heart breaking – No! She pulled herself up straighter and breathed in slowly. She was not going to back down. She was not one for fleeing a fight and if she had to fight to save them, then so be it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A key scraped in the lock and she tensed, the very air around her charged with the knowledge that he was home. She was both relieved and </span>
  <span>reticent</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he only said when he stumbled into the kitchen, his back to her as he surged to the sink. He drank greedily from the tap and she waited until </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> finished and faced her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When he did, she could smell the whiskey on his </span>
  <span>breath,</span>
  <span> and she </span>
  <span>recoiled</span>
  <span> with a </span>
  <span>grimace</span>
  <span>. When he tried to kiss her, she held him back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about earlier, I...” the re</span>
  <span>st of his speech became a mixture of slurs in a thick Scottish </span>
  <span>brogue</span>
  <span>. His accent always more pronounced when </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> been drinking, much like it did after </span>
  <span>they’d</span>
  <span> made love and he was tired. The latter endeared her, the </span>
  <span>former</span>
  <span>, however was far </span>
  <span>from charming when she </span>
  <span>couldn’t</span>
  <span> make out his words.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>So much for a decent conversation. She</span>
  <span> went to bed with a sneer that he could have the sofa.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-x-</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> woken, and found him snoring softly on the sofa, pity tugged at her chest and </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> made him a coffee, brushing back the </span>
  <span>unstyled</span>
  <span> curls from his forehead until his eyes flickered in recognition </span>
  <span>before</span>
  <span> he groaned.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Silence descended when she sank to the seat at the other side of the room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Julia...” he said painfully, full of regret perhaps and it nearly disarmed her. Nearly. “I am so, so sorry about last night. I never meant to stay out that-”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen every week,” she said </span>
  <span>sharply,</span>
  <span> and he only gave a weak almost-nod. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She had expected a fiercer response, another fight, something she could vent her </span>
  <span>anger</span>
  <span> out on. This </span>
  <span>m</span>
  <span>eek</span>
  
  <span>supplication</span>
  <span> did nothing </span>
  <span>to offset her frustration. But a look </span>
  <span>at him sucked the sting out of her fire. “David... we can’t keep doing this.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head profusely and she desperately wanted to believe him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m sorry. </span>
  <span>It’s</span>
  <span> all my fault. I’m not </span>
  <span>gonna</span>
  <span> go drinking so much-” his blue </span>
  <span>pained</span>
  <span> eyes met hers and sadness swept through her when she saw he had missed the point.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He clearly read her disbelief and pain lanced through her when tears sprang to his eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it! I promise I’ll try harder, love,” His voice was </span>
  <span>strained,</span>
  <span> and she wanted to give in, to give him what he wanted; her promise that he could stay, to be better. But it </span>
  <span>wasn’t</span>
  <span> what he needed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I've</span>
  <span>...” she choked on the words, something that almost never happened to Julia. She slid the card across the table towards him. He </span>
  <span>did not</span>
  <span> pick it up, simply looked at her instead, hungover induced confusion marking his beautiful face. “</span>
  <span>I've</span>
  <span> m</span>
  <span>ade an appointment for you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He took the card then, glaring intently at the words written upon it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck...” he </span>
  <span>murmured,</span>
  <span> and she closed her eyes. </span>
  <span>Clearly,</span>
  <span> he</span>
  <span> was not going to make this easy. When she looked at him, his glance burned with accusation. “What the fuck is this Julia? A psychologist... really?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stood up abruptly, curling the cards corner as he paced.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David, you need help! Help that I can’t giv-”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you have to make this into a big deal? How many times have you drunk wine after work hmm?” He volleyed back</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That stung, even if she knew it was just his </span>
  <span>defence</span>
  <span> mechanism.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not about me.” she hated the way her voice came out strained, wobbling over every painful word. He stared at </span>
  <span>her;</span>
  <span> brilliant blue now darkened to almost grey onyx chips. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I just … I want you to see you’re making a big deal about nothing,” he almost whispered but she could only look away, barely able to look at him. When she remained silent, he </span>
  <span>knelt to the floor at her feet, without reaching for her, but leaning</span>
  <span> in </span>
  <span>desperately</span>
  <span>. “Love, please...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Coldness slid over her like ice water.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please what? Sit here and pretend everything is fine, that you’re fine?” she snapped around tears that lodged in her throat. Her voice was thick and choked, her words deliberate and slow so she could prevent </span>
  <span>a total breakdown.</span>
  
  <span>“You are far from fine.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He shot up, crumpling the card and threw it at her feet.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need whatever help you think I do. I’m fine, and I thought we were too.” His broken voice burned her soul and yet she was not </span>
  <span>outwardly</span>
  <span> moved.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The only movement she gave was a slow shake of her head, ‘no’ and his eyes shuttered. He walked to the coat rack, pulling his jacket on so roughly she thought </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> rip it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped </span>
  <span>to</span>
  <span> look at her, his glance blank like he was not the David she knew and loved.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Out, I’ll be back later.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Except he </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  <span> come back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Three days later she came home to find he had removed all his belongings and left her key on the counter...</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But as Julia now looked down, eyes running over the words, she </span>
  <span>couldn’t</span>
  <span> help thinking that </span>
  <span>maybe she</span>
  <span> had reached him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She had</span>
  <span> never noticed whether the card had still been on the floor when he left for the final time, never even thought to see whether he had thrown it in the bin or not. And yet, he had to have taken it with him for a reason. She blinked back the tea</span>
  <span>rs, letting out a shuddered breath. On the back was a date that was post their final fight and she knew. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Despite everything </span>
  <span>he’d</span>
  <span> said, every ounce of </span>
  <span>resistance</span>
  <span> and defensive </span>
  <span>manoeuvres</span>
  <span>, </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> gotten through to him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Had pushed him to accept help and that had to mean something.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-x-</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If she never set foot inside King’s College hospital ever again, it </span>
  <span>wouldn’t</span>
  <span> be too soon. But Julia was not here to be brushed off, not again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Vicky may be right that David was damaged, that he needed his family, but by almost pure instinct, she knew he needed her too. </span>
  <span>Almost as</span>
  <span> much as she needed him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Monitors bleeped and the room </span>
  <span>smelt</span>
  <span> so strongly of </span>
  <span>disinfectant</span>
  <span>, a bitter taste lodged in her throat. </span>
  <span>Every time</span>
  <span> she swallowed, she wanted to gag and leave but the gentle rise and fall of David’s chest as he breathed, kept her frozen to the spot, a quiet desperation building, for him to wake up</span>
  <span>. To tell her everything was going to be okay, that he forgave her, to tell him she forgave him. Loved him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>hadn’t</span>
  <span> dared to reach out and touch him in his fragile </span>
  <span>straight</span>
  <span>, afraid he might break, and so she sat with her hands firmly clasped in her lap, choosing to beg him quietly for all the things she wanted and needed. Begged him to come back to her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A nurse came to take observations and for a moment the quiet solitude of their private </span>
  <span>sanctum</span>
  <span> was shattered by the outside world</span>
  <span> and Julia </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  
  <span>realise</span>
  
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> been holding her breath until the woman left, the room becoming theirs once more.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” she whispered without moving</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dawn arrived and she conceded defeat; duty </span>
  <span>called,</span>
  <span> and she was damned sure not going to let Roger Penhaligon accuse her of being unabl</span>
  <span>e to do her job. </span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> she rose, straightened her </span>
  <span>clothes,</span>
  <span> and stroked her hand over David’s messy curls, brushing them </span>
  <span>back from eyes before kissing his brow lightly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back, darling,” she murmured and was gone before she could convince herself to stay.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But by the time she had made it to lunchtime, she was on her way back. Life simply held no meaning until she knew he was okay, even if he </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  <span> want to repair their relationship. She had to know he was still there. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <span>hadn’t</span>
  <span> occurred to her, until she was staring down the corridor that led to his room, that she would come across Vicky but when their eyes met, Vicky’s placid glance became a resigned glare.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s awake,” she said, </span>
  <span>almost flatly</span>
  <span> and Julia’s heart tripped against her ribs.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to see him,” she said. It was not a request. Vicky only sighed, like she understood that </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> never be able to keep them apart anymore anyway but as Julia brushed past her, she reached out to grab her arm.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t remember-” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Julia shrugged off Vicky’s arm just as easily as her words as she pushed into the room, confronted by the sight of a severe looking silver ha</span>
  <span>ired couple standing over David</span>
  <span>.  </span>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>couldn’t</span>
  <span> see him and the denial of this nearly drove her to screaming and s</span>
  <span>houting. </span>
  <span>She stopped short and they looked at her as perplexed as she was sure she looked at them. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it da?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The familiar voice croaked from the bed and she sucked in a half sob. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“John... is that the ho-” the woman </span>
  <span>said,</span>
  <span> and the tall man shushed her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Da?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The home secretary,” the severe looking man scoffed, then </span>
  <span>shrugged.</span>
  <span> “It’s the home secretary son.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled away from his son, leading, </span>
  <span>presumably David’s</span>
  <span> mother, away from the bed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was then she could see David, the bruises and cuts that had seemed so insignificant last night were now purpled and raw in the light of day and she ached to reach out and stroke the pain away. But his eyes were cold. </span>
  <span>So,</span>
  <span> he </span>
  <span>hadn’t</span>
  <span> forgiven her...</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David...” she whispered. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand … no disrespect ma’am, but what are you doing here?” he croaked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her breath hitched and cold dread began to </span>
  <span>seep</span>
  <span> into her marrow. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Julia...” she said numbly and he looked even more confused.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Julia? I – don't even think I’ve met you …" he </span>
  <span>said,</span>
  <span> and the numbness became a </span>
  <span>thrum</span>
  <span> of anger.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“David... This isn’t funny...” she </span>
  <span>said </span>
  <span>sharply,</span>
  <span> and his mother moved towards her, with a hand up, she held her off. “David, you know full well we know one another – we … we lived together remember?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She knew that her desperation for him to drop his act would play right into his little game and she would make sure to punish him later for it, but right now she needed to kill this fear that some</span>
  <span>thing was very, very wrong.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  <span> miss the look his parents shared either and she was aware she had said too much, but she just </span>
  <span>didn’t</span>
  <span> care. She wanted him to tell her it was fine, that he still loved her even though </span>
  <span>she’d</span>
  <span> nearly gotten him killed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please stop,” she whispered, coming close to him, itching to touch him to ensure he felt the same but the look of genuine confusion in his eyes stopped the heart in her chest, and robbed her lungs of oxygen. </span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>To be CONTINUED!</p><p>I decided to split this into two separate stories now, because I want to do the next chapters from David's POV and didn't want to mix the narratives in this particular piece.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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